The Edge of Reason
by riesling
Summary: This story is meant to explore the possibility that Sango isn’t really in love with Miroku, or at least not the way it seems in the series. What if there had been another man? And, more importantly, what if there still was? // Please R&R!
1. White Lillies

**Author's Note:** Before I begin, I would like to mention that I do not own Inuyasha, the series, the characters, or (much) merchandise. All of the above mentioned (besides the merchandise that happens to be mine) are property of their respective owners. Please don't sue me, I'm just a broke college student and I'm writing this purely for your pleasure and enjoyment.

This story takes place under a bit of slightly complex circumstances, loves, so please hang with me for a moment. I'm writing this under the assumption that Naraku has been defeated. Got that? Alright, the Shikon no Tama has not been completed, though the only two remaining Jewel Shards are in Kouga-kun's possession and that is where our group is heading.

Alright, the final assumption is that Miroku is willing to make good of his promise to marry Sango. Now that I've set out the plot in pretty plain English for all of you, I hope that I have cleared up a little bit of the confusion that might result should I have left these issues unaddressed.

**The Edge of Reason**

**White Lilies**

Sango sighed, silently considering the situation that her group of friends now found themselves in. It was a sunny morning near the middle of summer and they were comfortably eating breakfast in the headman of an unfamiliar village's home.

Of course they were paying for neither their lodging nor the wonderful food that they were eating. Miroku had been kind enough to exorcize the house of the headman so conveniently near sundown as they were passing through the village the evening before.

Taking a sip of the warm tea that had been placed in front of her, she looked at everything that had been prepared for breakfast. There was rice, of course, and steamed fish with nearly every type of fruit that one could dream of.

Sango sighed again, remembering the breakfasts that her mother used to prepare for her and her brother when they were younger. But those times were long past. Now there was no living mother and that brother hadn't quite regained all of his memories.

She gazed at her younger brother, smiling to herself as she thought of all that she had sacrificed to bring him back to her. Of course she never wanted him to remember all of the terrible things that he had done, though that realization was unavoidable. So instead of condemning him for his actions, she never spoke of them again, though always offering him the option of speaking of such things should he have so chosen.

Seeming to notice the change in her, Miroku smiled lecherously, running his cursed hand over her behind gently and spoke softly, "My lovely Sango-chan, why the long face? Does this meal not please you?"

Her eyes widened as she was jarred from her thoughts. She looked down slightly to the hand still massaging her rear end. Sango's cheeks flushed three different shades of red as she placed her glass of tea on the table and slapped him on the face. She was well practiced in this act, thus explaining how positively beautifully choreographed her motions were.

"Ane-ue!" Kohaku exclaimed, his eyes widening as he watched his sister's hand lash out against her intended. But when he noticed how routine this must have been from everyone else's lack of reaction, he laughed to himself and went back to his breakfast.

The blow left its normal red hand-mark on his cheek as he moved the hand groping her to feel the place where her own had struck his face. An annoyed hanyou watched this display from across the table, crossing his arms over his chest and rolling his eyes at the bitter monotony of it all. "He never learns, does he?"

Kagome giggled, catching Shippou as he landed in her lap with a soft 'thud'. She quickly placed a few strips of her fish on Inuyasha's plate while he wasn't watching her. It wasn't that the food was unsatisfactory; she just hadn't ever been too awfully fond of fish and, as of lately, it seemed that was all they ever ate. Then, with a smile that she had succeeded, she added, "Honestly!"

The monk smiled, almost sighing in a love-struck manner as he mused, "Oh, Sango-chan, if only you could understand just how strongly I feel for you. Then perhaps you would be more receptive to my wandering hand."

"Excuse me, Miroku-sama!" Kohaku raised his voice, glaring slightly at the monk sitting across from him. "Is this really appropriate conversation for such a public place?"

"Houshi-sama!" she exclaimed, staring at him with disbelieving eyes. But then her attention shifted to her younger brother, "Kohaku-chan!"

The flush had returned to her cheeks but a loving 'mew' from Kirara quickly brought her out of the moment and she concentrated on her food once more. Sango lovingly stroked her feline friend and slipped her a few pieces of fish beneath the table, shaking her head at both Kohaku and Miroku.

The rest of the meal, after said encounter, passed in a relatively uneventful manner. Miroku didn't try any more of his perverted tricks on Sango but Shippou was reprimanded with a strong bump to the head for attempting to steal Inuyasha's fish. Of course Kagome had responded to this unjust punishment with a swift 'osuwari' and Inuyasha had been rewarded with a rather painful acquaintance to the floor.

After the meal, Sango went outside of the mansion and walked around the gorgeous wooden porch that wrapped around the entire building. The floor was so immaculately polished that her soft cotton stockings glided effortlessly across its smooth surface. For it having been in the middle of summer there was an uncharacteristically cool breeze that wrapped around her, causing her to almost shiver.

She paused at the stairway that led into the garden and looked at the wooden shoes that had been left at the bottom for anyone who wished to take a stroll around the stone pathway. Sango, without thinking, slid the shoes on her feet and began walking until she came to a small pond with a bench beside it for sitting.

It wasn't until she was comfortable in front of the pond that she noticed the lilies growing around it. And the memories came flooding back to her. Sango could never forget the large field of lilies that her brother, Kohaku, had shown her on one of the occasions that they had met on their separate journeys.

Remembering that field, and the moment that he had shown it to her, always brought her a tinge of happiness, even before Kohaku had been released from Naraku's control. It was all the proof that she had needed; Kohaku had remembered her. He had been aware that she was his sister and that she still loved him despite all of the awful things that he had done.

And now he was free from Naraku's control. He was hers to love and care for once again and her heart was full at the very thought.

Sango gazed down at the lilies once again, remembering why they had been important to her in the first place. _He_ had brought them to her shortly after he had asked her father for Sango's hand in marriage. He was Nagakura; her Nagakura-kun, her intended husband.

He had been the first man to bring her flowers in all of her life. And they had been lilies. She fell in love with them instantly. She was still in love with lilies.

It wasn't a surprise that a man had asked to marry Sango. She had been seventeen at the time; a good age to marry. And it wasn't hard to see why Sango had been so in love with him; her Nagakura-kun. He was gentle and kind, despite his status as the greatest warrior in the demon slayer's village.

Nagakura was tall and lean; his muscles were well defined and clearly visible in his demon slayer's uniform. Sango could remember dreaming about him throughout most of her childhood. He was only three years older than her; something that, at the time, had seemed almost forbidden to her.

They had been friends always. He had been the one to teach her to use her sword which, from the day she had learned of his death with the rest of the demon slayers in the village, she had not touched in battle. It was her silent tribute to the fallen warrior that was to have been her honored husband.

She could still remember his sharp green eyes, so uncharacteristic in the demon slayer's village. They had been given to him by his mother, a beautiful woman who hadn't been a slayer herself. And from his father Nagakura had received his talents and a slayer, not to mention his strong build and gorgeous jet black hair.

Tears of bitterness came to Sango's eyes when she remembered the first time she had returned to her home after everyone had been slain. She had never found Nagakura's body and, thus, hadn't been able to give him a proper burial. Just that memory was enough to make her feel bitter, dirty, like she had been undeserving of his love all along.

There was a slight consolation that she found in the fact that Naraku, who had killed her intended and the first man she had ever loved, had died at her own hands. Well, she hadn't done it completely single-handedly of course but she had been a major contributor.

Sango picked a lily and held it in her hand, staring into the pond. Her reflection shined back at her and, despite how much she loathed herself in that moment, she couldn't deny that she still looked beautiful. She was a lady despite the past two years and her chosen path as a demon slayer.

She had been so lost in thought that she hadn't heard Miroku approach her. Nor did she notice as he sat next to her. He ran a strong hand up her back in an attempt to comfort her and whispered, "Sango-chan, please. I know something isn't right. Talk to me."

She'd jumped slightly at his touch but stared up at him with pain in her eyes. Trying quickly to mask her emotions, she sighed inwardly, knowing that he'd already caught her in her moment of weakness.

"Houshi-sama," she whispered, turning her attention back to the lilies growing around the sparkling pond in front of them. Sango offered him a quick smile, though it held bitterness more than happiness. If Miroku had noticed, he hadn't let on.

There really was nothing similar about the two of them; Miroku and Nagakura, save mainly for the fact that they both had jet black hair. Nagakura was a kind and virtuous man. He had never touched Sango in the same ways Miroku had. He had such a respect for women and always made it a point to make her happy. The same could not be said for Miroku. He loved women so much, in fact, that he would find a new one at every town they came to.

Sango had turned her head, always trying to ignore his lecherous tendencies. It didn't hurt her that he wasn't in love with her because her heart was still hung up on Nagakura-kun. In fact, she'd only agreed to marry Miroku because she had been old enough to marry for two years. It was time for her to settle down with someone and the only man that seemed to be interested had been him.

What angered her most about Miroku was that he would use a woman for his own pleasures. That anger, she knew, everyone in the group interpreted as her feeling love and desire for the monk. She had a feeling Inuyasha knew the truth, however. He was far more perceptive than he often let on.

Miroku sat beside her, patiently waiting for her to elaborate on what the cause of her sadness was. She didn't speak, she didn't move. There was nothing that needed to be said between the two. She focused on the lilies.

"They're beautiful," he commented, noticing how she was looking at the delicate white flowers. He picked one, gently pulling her chocolate colored hair behind her ear and tucking the beautiful lily in the twist. "But I fear they don't do you the justice you deserve."

Sango smiled at him. Even if there were no feelings between the two of them, Miroku did know how to cheer her up when she was upset. "Thank you, houshi-sama. Shouldn't we be getting back to the others? I'm sure that Inuyasha is anxious to be leaving again."

"That he is, Sango-chan," Miroku looked solemn and honest. He stood up, offering her his hand and helped her to her feet. They walked back to the mansion in silence, each one knowing fully well that nothing needed to be said. Their silence was enough.

Miroku knew well enough that, while Sango appeared to be in love with him on the outside, there was something within her heart that held her back from telling him exactly how she felt. He was determined to bring that into the open; something hurt her deeply and he wanted to help her heal in any way that he could. But the challenge was, first, getting her to open up to him.

She turned back over her shoulder, taking one last long look at the lilies growing up around the pond. They really were beautiful. Leaving them almost broke her heart.


	2. Sunset Confessions

**Author's Note:** I realize, as I write this, that there really hasn't been much explanation of the plot, no real summary to tell you what it is that you can expect to be reading. Without wanting to spoil the surprise of letting this story develop on its own, I do feel like there is a bit that I can tell you about the story before you all continue.

In my desire to spare you unnecessary detail, or rather -- in my wanting to develop a bit of surprise, I will keep this summary brief. This story is meant to explore the possibility that Sango isn't really in love with Miroku, or at least not the way it seems in the story. What if there were another man? And, more importantly, what if there still was?

* * *

**The Edge of Reason**

* * *

**Sunset Confessions**

* * *

"Osuwari!" Kagome chanted softly. There was no thump or thud. It was her secret ritual, one she performed faithfully each night before she removed her clothing and slid into whatever means of bathing they had happened upon.

"Is someone there?" Sango's voice was soft, slightly amused by her friend's paranoia. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously and gazed into the forest around them, wondering if Kagome had even heard someone or if she was simply being cautious.

"N-no, no one, Sango-chan!" Kagome smiled happily, removing the red tie from around her neck and folding her sweater after she had removed it as well. Kagome and Sango placed their folded clothing in a pile near enough to the hot spring that they could be easily accessed if the need for them arose. "I'm just making sure we're truly alone."

Sango smiled, sitting on the edge of the spring with her feet dipped in the warm water. After pulling her long hair off of her neck, she quickly slid the rest of her body into the water, the cool air having been too much to endure on her warm skin for much longer.

"Ahh," she sighed, leaning her head against a rock. The tangle of her hair atop her head was acting as a pillow, cushioning her neck from the hard stone. "This is so wonderful!"

"Yeah," Kagome agreed, piling her own hair atop her head. She sat next to Sango, both girls watching the forest around them, though they were unsure as to what they were watching for. Each girl knew well enough that the lecherous monk sometimes like to sneak a peek but they were much further away than a quick stroll down to the hot spring could solve. They were safe from wandering eyes here.

They had traveled slightly further from the camp than normal. Inuyasha had agreed to let them backtrack to a hot spring that they had found slightly earlier that evening. It was probably no more than a mile away from the camp but, with Kirara's help, the girls had made quick time.

They went about their business, soaking, washing, rinsing. They didn't have much time, both of them knew. Inuyasha and Miroku would begin to worry if they hadn't returned by sunset.

There was silence for a moment before Kagome spoke again. Her voice was soft, cautious because she was shy about bringing this subject up. "About you and Miroku."

Kagome paused, watching for her friend's reaction. Sango and Miroku had had a bit of a heart-to-heart, or so it seemed. Several months had passed since their conversation at the pond by the headman's house but something between the two of them after that day seemed a bit different.

Miroku didn't seem to pay as much attention to Sango's rear end as he used to. He would still go after her into the woods when she would sneak away from the rest of the group but he never seemed so physical. It was almost like, anymore, he cared a great deal more for her feelings than for her body.

Sango hadn't complained about the Monk's change of attitude about her. In fact, she seemed almost pleased about the arrangement. It was for this reason that Kagome was curious to find out what, exactly, had occurred between the two on that pleasant summer morning.

"Yes, Kagome-chan?" Sango's voice was calm and soothing. She wanted to be able to explain to Kagome everything, though she wasn't quite sure how to do that. If Kagome knew the real truth of the conversation that she and the monk had had then she wouldn't have been nearly so persistent on finding out what had occurred between the two.

"Well, what I mean to say," she paused, looking at Sango with pleading eyes. Her voice was pained, she looked mournful as she finished; "Don't you love each other anymore?"

There was a long silence between the two of them and the only sound was of wind rustling gently through the leaves above them. The sun was beginning to set, a sign that it was, perhaps, time to head back. But Kagome wasn't done yet.

"I mean, Sango-chan," her voice was a bit desperate, despite her desire to mask it; maintain her sense of control. "If not you and Miroku, if things between the two of you won't work themselves out, what hope is there for myself and Inuyasha to settle our own differences?"

Sango's eyes widened but she controlled herself from any further action than that. She pulled herself out of the spring and began drying her skin, narrowing her eyes a bit, as though teasing Kagome. It appeared as though she wasn't going to tell Kagome anything.

Until she began telling her everything.

"I've meant to tell you for a long time, Kagome-chan, I really have. I just couldn't find the right words," she trailed off, looking up for a reaction from Kagome.

"W-what do you mean?" she questioned, following Sango out of the spring. Both girls were redressing, though Kagome paused as she asked, "What do you mean to say?"

"Before Miroku, before all of this," her voice was soft. "I was engaged to another man; a demon slayer from my village."

There was silence for a moment while Kagome digested the news. She didn't speak, though her eyes told Sango that it was alright to continue. There were thousands of things that she wanted to know; but Kagome would need to be patient and let Sango confess them all on her own.

"We were both young. I was seventeen, he was nearly twenty," she lowered her eyes, not really believing that she was confessing all of this to Kagome. "It's not exactly right to compare yourself and Inuyasha to what Houshi-sama and I are going through because, you see, when Naraku attacked my village-"

"Oh Sango-chan!" Kagome gasped, placing a hand over her heart while resting the other on Sango's shoulder. "You mean?"

Sango just nodded, turning to look at her friend and offer her a weak smile. In her eyes there was the faint beginnings of tears, though she wouldn't let them fall; not again or, at least, not so soon.

She took a deep breath and spoke, "It isn't that I don't have feelings for Houshi-sama anymore, Kagome-chan. It's more that I find it difficult to accept the fact that I am honestly considering marrying a man that would honor me any less than my father had seen fit when he chose Nagakura-kun to be my husband."

Kagome's gaze fell to the ground, one hand reaching to take Sango's in her own. This other woman really was the closest thing Kagome had ever had to a sister.

"We should be heading back. Inuyasha and Houshi-sama will begin to worry."

Kagome nodded, deciding it was best not to press the issue with her further. Sango had been in love with a man and it hadn't been Miroku. She had been engaged to a man. And she had lost that man.

Suddenly the guilt began to overwhelm Kagome. She had been relentlessly pushing the two of them together for so long. And all of this time it had only been hurting Sango.

"I'm so sorry, Sango-chan," Kagome managed. It wasn't enough, she knew, though it was as good a start as any.

Sango just smiled dully. She didn't look happy, not in the least. But she did look like she was getting by. Her voice was so soft Kagome had to strain to hear it. "I accepted Miroku's proposal."

"Sango-chan?" Kagome was concerned. Did Miroku know? Was Sango really ready to be Miroku's wife? She all but just confessed that she hadn't ever been in love with him to begin with.

But Sango was already on Kirara's back. She was waiting for Kagome to join her. They would be heading back to the campsite. And Kagome had no choice but to follow. It was a closed subject. She would probably never mention her previous engagement to a man of her village again; not to anyone, even Miroku.


	3. Traces

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the short chapter, loves. I'm not sure how popular this story is, at the moment, and I think I'm going to put it on hold for a while, after this, to concentrate on a few of my other projects. If you're horribly opposed to that idea, please let me know by reviewing or adding this story to your favorites or alerts lists. And I promise the next one will be longer, but I felt the need to keep this one short for obvious reasons -- reasons I'm afraid you're going to have to wait to find out about.

* * *

**The Edge of Reason**

* * *

**Traces**

* * *

Her trail ended here, at a small hotspring that still smelled like her. He had noticed it by the rising steam and, as his eyes followed the billowing puffs upwards towards the sky, he knew exactly where she had gone. Kirara had carried her; Sango and her companion.

'Kirara,' he thought, smiling at the memory of Sango when her father had brought the lovable feline to his daughter. He could remember her squeaks of joy and the kind purring she was able to elicit from her companion. He could remember the way that she used to fall asleep with Kirara snuggled in the long strands of her brown hair. And he yawned despite himself.

He'd been planning to make camp for the night. Maybe not here, at this exact spot, but somewhere. And he knew that he was going to be needing it sometime sooner than later. But if Sango had Kirara, he really couldn't risk stopping now. The two already made so much better time than he did; he didn't have a flying companion of his own. In fact, he was very alone in his travels and perhaps that was the reason why he'd been searching for her so desperately these past years. Or maybe he missed seeing a smile on her face and missed hearing the way her voice would catch when she'd say his name.

Frowning, he realized that stopping for the night would make it nearly impossible to catch them. However she traveled, however her companions traveled; they were fast and they made good use of their time. So he continued on in the direction that he was so sure she was heading. He would find her.

He had to find her.


End file.
